So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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