You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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