I puked a lego.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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