I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
