...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
