I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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