i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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