i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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