i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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