dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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