i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
