it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
