Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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