I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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