nut hugger
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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