Me. At least after what I've been through.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
