Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
