i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
