umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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