I got chris browned last night
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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