i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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