this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I love you. Go after that dick
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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