Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
