I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
