this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
