so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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