No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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