She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
