Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
