dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
