I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
