I smell stomach acid.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
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