Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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