I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
