I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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