youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
