I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
