i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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