Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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