So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
