I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
