exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
