The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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