He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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