when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
