College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish I only lived at night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
