I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
