Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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