This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
