the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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