I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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