I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
