Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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