wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
