haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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