My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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